object lesson

Posted: October 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

I woke up worrying this morning, which is ironic, since last night at Growth Group we talked about God’s peace.  I had listened to the message, which had been powerful and true.  I had put the time in to read through all the questions and related scriptures, consider my answers and insights,and write it all down.  While I was preparing for the discussion ahead of time, I really struggled to come up with answers to what makes me anxious these days.  I mean, I have a MULTITUDE of answers about things that *used to* make me anxious, but I feel like these days I mostly live in peace, mostly not sweating details or the future.  Like..not ALWAYS, but mostly. And at least for me, when I’m IN that zone, it’s harder for me to remember what it’s like to be NOT in that zone…you know?

And then came this morning.  G rises at 3:15; I don’t know when I woke up worrying, but it was well before that.  I woke up thinking about money.  About bills we haven’t been able to get paid in a timely manner.  About an “extra” financial commitment we made at church last year, and all the things that have happened since to keep us from following through. About the dryer repair I paid for the day before yesterday.  About the washer that really must be replaced, or I’m going to have to start replacing my wardrobe, as stuff just never quite gets clean.  About my phone that is crapping out, and whether I should get a new (unacceptable to Apple) battery for it, or just go ahead and upgrade.  About the new tires we just paid for, and the other two we have to buy before winter.  About the new pants and better shoes G really needs for work.  About the retirement neither of us have ever invested enough in (or until pretty recently, really not anything at all.)  About projects around the house I meant to do this summer, but lacked funds for.  On and on and on.  I couldn’t shut it down.

I remember when mornings like that were a very frequent thing in my life.  While things are better financially now than they were then, I still fall terribly short when it comes to money management…so the peace I’ve mostly found hasn’t come mostly from doing better.

While I was laying there pondering, picking at details and worrying, worrying, worrying, for the life of me I couldn’t remember where I’ve found that peace, then.  When we’re stuck in it, we can be really stuck in it, eh?

What pulled me out of it was a conversation as I sat with G a bit later, drinking my hot water and pondering our devotionals with him.  Offhand, I noted again 2 bits of good news that I’d told him yesterday, both of which were money-related.  Both of which feel to me like the favor of God – like He just set them up to show me all is well.  As soon as I had said those two things, the worst of the money worries just lifted off of me.

Oh, yeah.  My freedom and peace lie mostly in thanking God, spending time thinking about Who He Is, and remembering/noticing/telling the stories of what He does for me.  THAT’S why I don’t struggle so much with money worries these days.  Not because I do money so much better, nor even because I have a little more money than I used to, but because I’ve learned to look to Him.

In other words, when I stop pretending I’m in control and remember Who really is.

Ahhh.

I needed that little object lesson to remind me.  Maybe you did too?

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Comments
  1. billsmockins@frontiernet.net says:

    Karen, I thank you for this.  Money used to be something I fretted about, worried over, but as I have seen God’s provision for us, it is less and less stifling.  I mean, yes, we could do better about retirement.  We could do better about saving.  We could do better about not buying things we particularly don’t need, but I’m not worrying so much about it.  We have scaled back our monthly bills. We are not charging things we cannot afford.  I am content with what we have.  Lonnie may not be (I guess I need to have that conversation with him), but I am.  I don’t go shopping anymore.  I find other things to fill my life.  I guess I have accepted that I want to still be productive in retirement years.  So whether that is complete retirement or part-time work/part-time retirement, I am good with it.  I don’t despise working to want to quit and not have a place to go.  You are so right!  God’s peace will bring us to the place of not fretting and stewing over finances.  After all his peace is sufficient and his grace and mercy are abounding!

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