day 7 virgin diet

Posted: July 20, 2015 in Uncategorized

Slept better last night and very little pain this morning (feet still hollering NO WORKOUT but at least not making me miserable while resting).

Remembered my morning water today!  Victory!

Today was another mixed-up day, since I knew I had plans tonight for a friend’s birthday and wouldn’t be able to eat the food there.  To manage that, I came home for (real food) lunch and did a shake for the evening meal, before we left for the birthday event.  I am happy to report that I was not miserable or even a little tempted in the midst of grilled burgers, brats, and dogs and chips along with cake from my very favorite bakery.  I saw it, I registered in my head that I like those flavors, but my mouth didn’t water, my stomach didn’t complain, and I felt zero compulsion to cheat.  That.  Was.  AWESOME!

The lunch meal was exactly the same as last night’s supper, so I won’t repeat it here.  Leftovers are the bomb.  I don’t think I’ve shared a photo of the shakes, though, so I thought you might like a look at what I mean when I say, “shake.”

IMG_0869The one on the left is mine – this was breakfast at our house.  While I’m doing my Virgin Diet thing, G is juicing in the mornings so that I won’t be tempted by his food (and also because he loves the occasional change-up of juicing – he looks like some kind of mad scientist in the morning, over at the juicer, while I am across the room at the blender.)

That shake is:  10 oz unsweetened coconut milk, 2 scoops (I think a scoop is a tablespoon) of chia seeds, strawberries (I think there were 4 fairly good-sized but not giant ones), 3 giant collard leaves, 4 ice cubes, and a very heaping scoop of the Virgin Diet chocolate protein shake mix (it calls for 2 scoops, but 2 is just too much for me).  That’s a quart jar I’m using, so you can see that it is A LOT to drink, especially when you factor in that it is thick.  I haven’t liked the strawberries as much in it as I did the blueberries; I will probably look for yet another type of berry to try, tomorrow when I run to the store for more.

Here’s how I’m feeling in general, on the final day of week 1:

  • I had no sleepiness episodes at all today.
  • I’m not struggling with any cravings at all.
  • I feel less “inflated” – that’s the best word I can come up with to describe it.  For months, I have felt stuffed to the max, like everything about me just bulges and presses, like if my skin split a seam, stuff would practically explode out of it (not to be gross…just trying to paint a picture that you can imagine.)  I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it, but I did notice it regularly, especially where the waist of my pants was tight, where my socks (even the loose, mellow ones) cut into my legs and left marks on my ankles that lasted depressingly long after the socks were off, and when I would tr to bend over to do anything.  Just:  full to the max.  Puffy.  Over-inflated and awkward.  I think I assumed that was a mental thing, that I was mentally doing that to myself because of my discouragement at having regained yet again pounds that I have worked so many times over to lose.  But I’m learning:  it wasn’t just mental.  It was physical.  Now I don’t feel it.  I feel smaller inside of my skin, without the outside of me changing sizes, or at least not by as much as the degree of change feels.

I wish I had measured my body on that first day, when I weighed.  I know my waist is smaller, as evidenced by the notch tighter on the belt, and I’m nearing the next notch as well.  I know my pants fit better.  Not like, changing sizes better, but just…fitting in a way that doesn’t damage my self-esteem every morning when I pull them on.  I like that progress.

My prayer partner is all about the “It Works” products – have you heard of them?  Probably most famous is their wraps, which are a way to apply a special botanical lotion stuff that shrinks the area that gets wrapped.  I have watched as quite a number of people that I know have used them with success, and have seen many credible before and after photos from people I trust who are selling them.  Nonetheless, I have had no interest in trying them at this point.  Still, my friend gave me one and encouraged me just to try it out.

I’ve had it for like…a month or more.  The problem with trying to do it was this:  after you apply the wrap to whatever area you choose, then you wrap that with saran to hold it in place for like an hour.  I was absolutely not willing to do that with G at home.  I don’t pick my nose in front of him, I don’t pass gas in front of him, I don’t use the toilet in front of him, and I’m not gonna do a wrap in front of him.  I like a little mystery between us.  So I had to wait for a time when he was at work AND I was simultaneously not scrambling around doing 20 things at once for a long enough period to pull this off.  So Sunday was finally that day.  I applied it to my abdomen, because duh.  First, I took the dreaded photos that they adamantly suggest, and I did a series of measurements.  Then I did the wrap, drinking the required amount of water while it did its thing.  Then I did another round of dreaded photos and measurements.  Then I got busy drinking half my weight in ounces of water (a requirement for making the wraps work best).  Then this morning I did another round of dreaded photos and measurements, and will do the same tomorrow and Wednesday, as the effect is supposed to continue for 3 days.

Some of the measurements didn’t budge a bit.  Others did, coming down an inch or so, but none of this had any effect on where the notch of my belt fits.  I have not looked at the dreaded photos yet – I emailed them to myself and then quickly deleted them from my phone, as I’d rather die than have someone accidentally see them.  When I’ve got a full set, I will follow the instructions to use a collage app to put them all side by side and see if I can see a difference.

Here’s the thing:  there is A LOT of me.  So it seems like chipping a splinter off of a redwood, you know?  So it seems early for me to be doing these.  I feel like they could be extremely useful if I happen to reach a reasonable weight – one very brave friend who has lost something like 100 pounds via bariatric surgery posted photos of how the wraps helped her belly skin, which did not recover with the weight loss and she cannot afford to get tucked, and it was impressive.  I can for sure see using it for stuff like that and maybe those super saggy arms that often happen after great weight loss.  So I’m not saying I’ll never use the wraps.  I’m just thinking at this point that I need to lose an entire technically “overweight” person for my height – 150 pounds – off this body to be at the weight I am “supposed” to be, which means I need to lose probably 100 to get to where I would like to be, and where I might feel ready to invest the (for me, rather substantial) cost to try and tighten up the sag factor, if that makes sense.

All of which is daunting, discouraging, and hard to hope for at this point in the game.  At this point, I’m still focusing on this diet being about learning what triggers me for various physical and behavioral food issues, and about trying to feel good, and about trying to be healthier, and about trying to get back to a place of being able to exercise, and just mostly ignoring the dream of losing and keeping off weight, which at this point truthfully feels like something beyond my reach and like I’d be smarter not to set myself up to be disappointed.

So, despite feeling extremely much better physically and filled with high hopes about how much this diet might help me, as you can see, there is still a large pool of doubt and discouragement very active.  Nothing to do but keep wading forward through it.  And no, I won’t pretend not to struggle with this, even if that would make some feel more comfortable, by saying cheerier things or pretending that I feel better than I do about where I am.

Can’t go forward into an honest future without dealing honestly in today, methinks.

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