sinuses, the freaky eye, and plain jane-ness

Posted: January 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

It’s been 24 days since my sinus infection started, but I think I’m beginning to win the war. Tuesday night, I resolved to start seeing my physical issues as a gift given to me by God, to draw me or drive me to Him.  I was nearing the end of my second, stronger round of antibiotics.  I was discouraged, because I only had 2 or 3 days’ worth left, and the sinus infection was still going strong.  Still, I resolved to be INTENTIONAL in seeing it differently.

I woke up around 11 PM the next night suffering that malady I call “drowning in drainage.”  No amount of blowing my nose and drinking great volumes of water would reduce the river running down my throat.  It kept waking me up, choking.  Finally I realized that amongst the inner angst and general frustration within me, there was another, calmer voice.  It kept reminding me of the success I had with my Neti-bottle a few years back.  Since that voice was calm and without rancor, I decided to listen to it.  I got up and did the work  Boiled the water to purify it.  Boiled the bottle, its top, and the funnel, so that the water wouldn’t touch anything that wasn’t disinfected.  Waited for the water to cool.  All the while I was focusing on prayer, which was largely comprised of refusing to complain, and insisting on reaching out to Him, listening, in my spirit.  And continually shushing the noisy voice of my brain, which always wants to be busy.

I did the thing – it always astonishes me that the Neti-bottle is even a possibility.  I mean…water up the nose equals DROWNING.  Any fool knows that.  But somehow I can do this Neti thing and I don’t drown.  It’s weird and gross, but I can’t argue with the results.  That night, I went to bed afterward, and finally got a good night of sleep, free of choking.  Whew.

It has required some persistence.  Every time I think I’m done with it, the river starts to flow again down the back of my throat, and I’m soon enough choking.  Gotta do another one tonight.or clearly there will be no sleep.  I’ve been doing that, along with a bedtime saltwater gargle, and it seems to be doing what the antibiotics just couldn’t do.  The Augmentin is long gone…the Zithromax is finished…and the infection keeps fighting.  But the Neti bottle and saltwater gargle give me 10 or so hours of real relief, which cheers me greatly. I’m glad i listened to that calmer voice within (whether it was me or God…I’m not trying to guess which).  It seems to be an answer, at last, though I’m paying attention to the fact that the pain keeps *starting* to go into my ears and then backing off again.  Praying and waiting to see if my body will chase it away.

Meanwhile, I’m getting well-practiced at not wearing any makeup at all.  I have this funny thing about my eye, for the last few years.  It’s like some kind of seal broke or something, so when I blow my nose, if my sinuses are mostly clear, a little spout of air comes shooting out from under my bottom eyelid.  It’s weird but seems to be harmless; I’ve learned to squeeze that eye shut before I blow hard.  But during this gunk phase, when I blow…the stuff that comes out of my nose…also comes out of that spot.  So if my eye is open, it is suddenly covered in yuck.  And if my eye is closed, I suddenly have a big glob to collect there (or when I do the Neti-bottle, the saline solution runs out of there).  If that’s TMI, I apologize…it just fascinates me.  And of course, it makes wearing eyeliner or mascara pointless.  So I’ve been working with naked eyes,which is disorienting for me – though I don’t do almost any other makeup almost ever, I often wear those two things even just to be home alone.

I’ve also decided this is a good season for growing my color out and going natural (read: gray), so this has been a humbling time.  I’ve never been a knockout (though my husband has often made me feel like one), but I also can’t say I’ve ever been quite this thoroughly “plain Jane.”  But you know what?  It’s okay.  It really is.  I’m not particularly thrilled with how I look (for sure still in massive body hatred mode), but the no makeup and no fresh hair color thing…it’s not making me feel more self-conscious.

That seems like a good development.

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