hello, 2015…part 1 (body)

Posted: January 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

January is a busy season for the YMCA.  This is the time when people feel fresh resolve to live healthier, and come in to buy a membership or sign up for classes.  There is a sudden influx of workers-out, both in the gym and in the pool.  The cardio room and weight room fill up. The walking track is heavily populated.

I watched this happen every year, when I worked the front desk of the local YMCA.  I watched the building fill up with folks who weren’t used to the routines, weren’t well-versed in the schedules, and didn’t have a firm grasp of the rules.   I watched the patience of the regulars – the folks who showed up consistently without respect for seasons or holidays or schedules – as they navigated around the “January folks,” who often had no clue how thoughtless they were being to others around them as they used the facility…and who would almost without exception be gone from the YMCA in 4 to 6 weeks, not to be seen again much or at all until the next January rolled in.  I learned a lot from the YMCA regulars.

I also learned that I am really more of a “January person” than a regular, when it comes to matters of fitness.  I go in spurts of inspiration, and then I fall off completely.  This has been true over and over, and even when I thought I had finally changed it during my recent years of the “learning to love my body” adventure, it still turned out to be true again.  I don’t like being a “January person.”  I admire the discipline of the regulars.  I probably need to meditate on and practice discipline in the coming year, whatever that looks like.

I learned in the 12-step program that addiction is sort of an “allergy.”  For instance, most folks can enjoy the occasional glass of wine or a couple of beers, or even get drunk once in awhile without any major repercussions.  Alcoholics, on the other hand, are “allergic” to alcohol – they respond to it in a physically different way.  Having a little provokes the need for much, and there is no such thing as enough, to the extent that folks die in their pursuit of enough even while trying to stop.  Same with drugs – some folks can use some drugs recreationally with no major repercussions, while addicts are sent into a tailspin of need that robs them of everything.  More and more I suspect that I might be an addict, where sugar is involved.  I hate the idea and I hate the solution and I hate the notion of even testing the theory.  I don’t want to go there.

But heart disease and diabetes both run in my family, and it would be not only foolish but also selfish of me to just gloss over it.  My loved ones are relying on me to take good care of myself so that I can be around as long as possible, and be PLEASANT to be around as well…not just some giant ball of sucking need because I was too careless to try to do better.  I will not go so far as to write a resolution on this one today – but I do hope to make real and lasting progress on this front in 2015.

I think an important key in this is learning not to hate my body.  I thought I made progress on that while learning to love my body, but clearly that didn’t stick – I’m right back to extreme self-hatred, in the body department.  I hate the mirror, I currently feel like ALL of my clothes hate me, and I walk around sure that others are judging me harshly regarding my weight, which makes me just not want to be around groups of people much at all.  I know this is not just a matter of needing to lose weight to feel better – I was ashamed and horrified of my body even when I weighed 96 pounds.  There is a huge inner shift that has to happen, and I don’t know how to do it.

So that’s entry number one for my 2015 review of needs.  I’m not only about my weight, of course; I’ll be back tomorrow to look at another area or two.

  1. laurie says:

    Well, I love this post, but have thoughts on the ‘regular’ valiant attender of the YMCA who has to ‘put up’ with new folks trying to get moving towards some healthy choices. Encouraging those newbies would go a long ways………welcoming them to the private playground of the YMCA versus being irritated would be nice too…………. oh well……love the post K!

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