much to say, much to ponder, but not a lot of answers/conclusions

Posted: August 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

My brain is overcrowded with reasons to write.  I can’t get one thing to stick its head up and be The One Topic.

There’s fun stuff – we received a belated wedding gift – a tandem bike – recently.  It is awesome.  Our first attempts to ride it were disastrous.  I hadn’t studied up ahead of time because duh.  It’s riding a bike!  How hard could that be.  But it turns out that riding a tandem is a relationship growth exercise.  I’ve learned since then that the front person has all the control, as far as direction – they are the only one steering.  And their job is to watch out for the rider in the back.  The rear person is the majority of the propulsion – their job is to pedal hard and not lean around to see where they are going.  I learned that if both people don’t fully commit, the ride doesn’t happen.  So we are going to try it some more (but I’m much more cowardly this time around!)  Before I studied up on all of this, and before I tried riding, I wanted to be in front.  Because I wanted to be in control!  But having further examined the situation, I will need to be in the back…which will require me to trust my husband deeply and give up my overriding need to be in control.  Hoo boy.  Pray for us!  It will be fun when we tackle it, but it’s scary on the approach.

There’s a challenge – at the beginning of this year, our pastors challenged the church leadership team to pray and let God direct them in choosing a theme for the year.  I wasn’t on the leadership team at the time, so I had no intention of playing along.  God, on the other hand, was all about this project apparently.  Soon thereafter, He revealed to me that by golly I DO have a theme for this year, that being “speak forth.”  This theme has been manifesting in my life in untold numbers of ways, and the latest challenge is a reconciliation project so seemingly impossible that I can’t even talk about it.  I’m trusting Him and will go forward with it.  In His usual ways, He is supplying my needs – at my annual attendance at the Global Leadership Summit, I came across a great resource in a book and accompanying CDs called Crucial Conversations.  I’m early in the study, but it’s invaluable stuff for a non-confrontational, people-pleasing avoidance master such as myself.  I already know to recommend it. 

There’s correction – I have been in major defeat mode, where it comes to the journey of letting God teach me to love my body.  Just absolutely down for the count.  But I find more recently that I’m beginning to rally.  I’m regaining interest in focusing there.  I’m choosing love more often.  I’m starting to hope again, ever so cautiously.  Perhaps my body and I are making peace and will stop being archenemies. 

There’s reordering.  I have recently really started noticing that I need to focus better on keeping up with friends and loved ones.  I’ve done a great job of focusing on my marriage for the last year.  I’ve done a decent job of doing my part at church and at work.  But I’ve let too many days go between too many phone calls or visits to too many people.  That’s gotta change. Now, for how. 

There’s tentative exploration.  For years, I’ve had a lot of questions on the topic of how the church approaches homosexuality.  For years, it’s been too scary a topic to touch, so I’ve simply chosen to love people and to trust God.  More recently, I’ve come across the book “Torn:  Rescuing the Gospel from the Christians vs. Gays Debate” by Justin Lee, in which the author presents his biblical argument for a different approach.  Bit by bit I am digesting it and praying through.  This seems important to me, because well-intentioned misunderstanding of the Word is still misunderstanding, eh?  So I feel the need to approach the topic with a mind open to ANYTHING God wants to show me, and then to stand on that.  This is a big deal. 

There’s more.  But that is some of the big things churning around in my little brain, all competing for attention, time, and words. 

At least I’m never bored.  🙂

  1. says:

    Karen, I am so very interested in that book.  Our church took a stance with our denominational affiliation earlier this year.  The denomination was not standing up against pastors who were marrying homosexuals.  The bylaws state that should not happen.  Anyway, we voted to leave the association and there was great discussion amongst the congregation.  I do not believe churches should marry same sex partners, as I clearly believe God’s word states this is sin.  With that said, I believe many churches marry others who are in sin as well, those living together, etc.  Because my youngest son professes to be a homosexual, I have a bit more “at stake, per sae”  with how the church might look at homosexuals, even in attendance, in membership, in service.  I do not believe homosexuality is the unpardonable sin.  I believe it is sin, but one that God will forgive if the person is truly repentant and seeking forgiveness.  I am going to get that book.  Sounds interesting.

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