bumping pride from the driver’s seat

Posted: January 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

Yesterday would have been my 375th consecutive day of writing.

It would have been, if I had written.

I didn’t write.

As you know if you’ve been around, as of January 1, 2014 I am now out from under my “write every day” promise.  Still, I’ve been maintaining writing daily.  I told myself that was mostly for momentum’s sake – missed writing days exact a price on my blog traffic, and regaining that momentum is WAY harder work than just maintaining it. 

Yesterday was a busy day.  I didn’t write at lunch, because some coworkers invited me to join them.  I didn’t write after work, because I had to get ready for our “holiday party” for work (clever idea, our personnel committee had, to put it off until mostly-boring January, rather that trying to squeeze in one more event in already-overpacked December, eh?) 

By the time we got home from the party, it was late enough that I just didn’t have anything immediately ready to write.  While I know from 374 days of experience that if I insist and don’t quit until I get something, I WILL write…I let it go.  I thought about it, and made the decision.

You might think that would be an easy decision.  A break!  After 374 days!  Who wouldn’t want that?

But it wasn’t easy at all.  As soon as I had decided, I was massively bummed.  I almost – almost! – felt like crying.  I wanted to go back and re-decide differently.

But then I asked myself why this was such a big deal.  Why did it matter so much to me?

The answer was NOT about blog traffic.

The answer was:  PRIDE.  I wanted to keep my streak going so that my streak would still be going.  It wasn’t about being faithful.  It wasn’t about honing my craft.  It wasn’t about helping others.  I just wanted to prove I could.  I didn’t want to let go of the streak. 

So I stuck with the decision, which now was:  strike a blow against pride.  Pride will take us – ME – over so quickly.  It sneaks up and takes the helm, and pretends to be all manner of honorable things.  Emotionally, I was not cool with it.  Happily for me, I have G here, who helped comfort and distract me from focusing in on the yuck and just letting go. 

Breaking the streak wasn’t fun.  But it had to happen sooner or later.  I will continue to try to write most every day, because that really IS what is needed to hone my craft and maintain my blog traffic, and it is such an immediate way for me to be faithful to the ministry to which I am called. 

Just glad to have bumped pride out of the driver’s seat, for the moment!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s