dreaming for 2014

Posted: January 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

The last couple of weeks, every time I have tried to begin imagining for 2014, my mind has kind of shut down on me.  I’ve been trying while in a hurry, trying while multi-tasking, trying while also considering what I needed to do in the next hour or the next half-day or next week.  I couldn’t think ahead to 2014 because there was no quiet space in my mind.  HALLELUJAH for the day off and sleeping in and an abundance of cuddling and no major agenda and some good worship music, courtesy of the live stream from the Kansas City International House of Prayer.  As the busyness of life has retreated, my mind has been opening up.  I’m ready to dream for the coming year.

None of the items below are a resolution.  I will dream and/or I will make promises (the promise to write daily in 2013 succeeded wildly, because it was not a resolution – it was a promise – and FOR ME, the difference is a game-changer.)  So.  What about 2014?

Jewish wife – in marrying me, my G moved away from the city, away from any available messianic Jewish temples.  This means away from regular Saturday temple services – we could try attending the regular synagogue here, but conversations I’ve had have not been encouraging, as far as how messianic Jews are seen among that congregation.  G was such a faithful attender when he lived where it was available.  There is basically zero outside encouragement for pursuing his Jewish heritage here where we are.  In the first four months of our marriage, we have been pretty hit and miss with the honoring, celebrating, and practicing of that heritage.  I can be a help or a hindrance on this.  I don’t know if I’ve been a hindrance, these months, but I for sure haven’t been a help, other than my enthusiastic participation in our morning time reading from the Siddur (Jewish prayer book.)  I want to enter into this more fully than I have thus far.  I’m not looking to lead – I’m happy to let my husband lead.  But there is plenty I can do to take more responsibility for my role as a Jewish wife.  That is for sure on the map for 2014. 

Relationship-building – in the time between my return to the Quad Cities area from JPUSA and our wedding, I really picked up the ball for mentoring and other such relationship-building activity with other women.  Some really neat stuff happened.  My life was greatly enriched, as were the lives of those with whom I was more purposeful.  That has been on a bit of hiatus since the wedding – actually, since earlier than that.  When I left my own apartment and got busy with wedding planning, all of my meetings with friends kind of went out the window.  It was a matter of there being only so many hours in the day, you know?  I feel like I’ve been doing what I was supposed to do, these first four months of our marriage, with focusing wholeheartedly on this relationship.  We are building the foundation upon which our lives together will stand.  I don’t want to be perfunctory or inattentive or careless or presumptive in that.  And our crazy schedule didn’t leave time to squeeze others in, basically.  With G’s change in jobs, more hours will be opened up in the days.  I am yearning to use some of the time when he’ll be at work and I won’t to return to meeting with ladies for the purpose of growing together and encouraging one another. 

Purposeful writing – while I am not continuing the “write every day” promise in 2014, I do want to have a plan.  I want to be moving toward that book that’s been inside me my whole life, waiting to get out.  As of this moment, I am unsure what the next step is for that.  I am tempted to just make something up so that I can write something concrete here.  I want the comfort of a plan, but I’m going to stay here in the discomfort of humbling uncertainty until God shows me.  He’s given me words daily for 365 days running.  He can give me the next piece of the plan.  I will stay before Him and not let go until I have it, and I refuse to speak on His behalf in the meantime.  The only thing I know for sure on this topic:  I intend this year to take up a friend’s offer to build a website for me with my very own name on it.

Loving my body, continued – this journey stretches on and I see no end in sight as I enter into a new year.  I have done some backsliding amidst the battle with the schedule and the logistical challenge of living with friends.  I have given myself way too much freedom to eat in ways that are highly unloving to my body, and it is showing the evidence of that (and I have caught myself returning to all too often believing shame when it speaks to me on this front).  The schedule issue has robbed many days of running from us, but that now comes to a close and we can get back to mornings, where the world is far less able to steal run times.  I am aching, yearning, homesick for running.  I have no idea whether running the Bix again will be on the agenda – actually, closer to my heart is pushing toward being able and ready to ride the RAGBRAI with G, probably not this summer, but probably in 2015.  I am dying to ride more again – 2013 was hard on the biking schedule.  G and I are looking into getting a tandem bike, which won’t be an exercise superstar move, but would be a fun different thing to do together.  Also related to this category:  I want to continue pursuing solutions for my A.D.D. issues this year.  I feel like it can be managed better than I am doing at this point.

Using Time Off Well – I am earnestly hoping for some great visit time this year.  Hopefully G and I can travel frequently to visit the grandbaby and her wonderful parents in Kentucky.  Hopefully we can spend more time in Ames with my son.  Hopefully we can visit JPUSA a number of times and I hope G and I can swim together in Lake Michigan while there (something I only did once when I was there, right before I left).  It would be fun to get to Audiofeed this year – I feel like I’ve had an appropriate amount of time to grieve the end of Cornerstone Festival and I’m ready to explore this next generation of music festival for us.  I’d like to camp with my husband.  I’d like to do A LOT more lunches with friends.  I’m looking forward to using a week of my PTO to help with Royal Family Kids Camp as our church leads the charge to bless local foster kids in this way.  I’m still aching to get back to the IHOP – maybe this will be the year that we can do that.  

I reckon that’s enough dreaming for the year.  Looking forward to seeing what opens up as we step off into 2014.  Know this:  I am praying for you, as you step off too. 

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