little things make my lose my mind

Posted: December 14, 2013 in Uncategorized

It’s the little things.  The BIG challenges aren’t so likely to trip me up.  I see them for what they are.  I catch their scope and know I’m not enough.  I’m quick to run to God, to pray, to wait for His direction.  Quick to hold my tongue and redirect my thoughts.  I wasn’t ALWAYS this way, but life and God have taken me on enough of a journey that these days this is more or less my default reaction to big challenges.

But little things…oh, how they trip me up.  I wonder if I will ever mature enough spiritually to not get snagged by stupid little details. 

Gary worked another ten hour day today – the sixth day in a row.  When he works overtime Saturdays, I do my best to get all the chores done, all the groceries bought and put away, and have a good meal waiting for him when he gets home.  Today I decided that pizza would be a nice change of pace from our usual “picnic on the bed” routine. 

I called a place we’ve never been before – why not try something new?  But – it turns out they “don’t do” specialty pizzas.  “You mean, you just have a bunch of single-topping pizzas?” I asked, somewhat incredulously.  Right.  I thanked the man and hung up. 

I called a place we use more regularly and placed my order.  “It will be ready in 20 minutes,” said the girl on the phone.

“Okay, take your time, I don’t need it until 2:45,” I told her.

She was hesitant.  Then, “We don’t normally take timed orders,” she said, “and that means waiting 20 minutes to start yours.  I guess I can make an exception this time.” 

My sense of *how the world works* was instantly affronted by this comment. 

You don’t take “timed” orders?

I stammered for a moment as irritation rose up in me.  “What?” I was incredulous.  “You don’t take ‘timed’ orders?  I’m certainly having an interesting time, calling pizza places.  Do you want me to call back in twenty minutes?  I guess I could do that!” 

My voice was increasingly sharp, the more I spoke.  What was the deal here?  Back when I worked in food service, our goal was to give the customer what they wanted.  This felt like them telling me I should just be grateful that they are willing to answer the phone, fix me something, and take my money.  It felt upside down, backwards, wrong. 

She was doing her best to deal with me.  “No, we don’t normally take timed orders.  But we can do it this time.” 

I thanked her and got off the phone.  And remembered my rule number one, when dining out:  never be unkind to anyone who has access to my food when I’m not looking.  I saw that movie, “Waiting,” with my son and I’ve never been the same since.  Before that, I was nice because being nice is the right thing to do.  After that, my motivation shifted – I still want to do the right thing, but I also don’t want a goober stirred into my dinner, you know?  Crap.  Way to go, Karen. 

I decided I was going to apologize to the girl I had spoken with on the phone when I picked up the pizza.  It was too late to “protect my food” by then, but it was the decent thing to do, you know?  It’s not cool to be snarky with workers who are just following company policy.  But when I went in, the lady taking my money was clearly a lot older than the girl from the phone.  The people behind the food counter were all guys.  There was no younger female to be seen.  So I was left to go home and let it go – I get to live with having been an ass and then not even having been able to apologize.  Darn it. 

Regrets.  I hate ’em.  I want to grow up enough to not lose my mind when a simple phone call doesn’t go the way I want it to go.  Today I proved I am not there yet. 

Here’s to more chances ahead. 

  1. Laurie says:

    Totally get this and love your parting comment – regrets – the goal to live without these is a growth marker, healing marker on this faith journey. Thanks K.!

  2. Cindy Maynard says:

    I have to admit this is something I struggle with as well. Getting better, but far from always shining the light of Jesus through different frustrations, etc.

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