grace reliably wrecks me

Posted: July 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

It was early – before sunrise – and I was in my usual spot for that hour in that passage of my life:  my church.  The lights were very low and the music was pretty loud.  Prayer time.  Sometimes I did it on my own, and sometimes a friend or two showed up to do it too. 

I was in my knees, on my face, on the altar.  Sobbing.  Not just 2 quiet tears silently tracing down my face.  I was leaving a puddle in the carpet under my face. 

One of the ladies knelt beside me.  She rubbed my back.  And after a few moment, she offered words of comfort – “Don’t cry.  It will get better.”

My sobs were mingled with laughter.  She thought I was SAD!  Oh my!  These tears had NOTHING to do with sadness or pain or fear or frustration or any other hardship of any kind at all.  These were tears of joy.  Of amazement.  Of gratitude.  Of wonder.  I for sure didn’t want to cut them short, even if I did need a box of kleenex pretty badly in the moment. 

What had triggered all these happy tears?  Easy – the usual – His great grace and mercy.

In my small group right now, we are reading a book called “TrueFaced” and it serves up large quantities of focus on the extravagant, unreasonable, scandalously unconditional grace of Jesus Christ.  I’ve cried almost every time I’ve picked it up for a read.  At last week’s meeting, we watched a video by the authors and I was helpless to stop the tears sliding down my face, though I did manage not to do the “ugly cry.”  

His grace undoes me.  It never gets old or worn out.  It never becomes ho-hum.  It’s never “so last week.”  It is a new astonishment, a fresh gift daily.  It is all the time making me shake my head in wonder. 

His grace is so much more fun, so much more interesting, so much more freeing than all the focus on “doing right.”  I wonder why we tend to insist on refocusing over to “doing right” so often.

We are funny little critters. 

 

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