assumptions

Posted: May 17, 2013 in Uncategorized

I’m off to Chicago very shortly.  My fiance (oh, how I love that word, fiance – so much better than navigating the issue of calling him my boyfriend/friend/fella/guy/beau/insert more awkward words here) and I need to work on wedding planning (and, you know, SPEND TIME TOGETHER.)

I’m excited about getting plans on paper.  Thus far we have done it all mostly via texting, a bit of email, a video chat here and here.  This, for the record, is an astoundingly frustrating way to plan a wedding.  This weekend, we will sit down and write things in a notebook, and have a set of agreed-upon ideas, and try to chase away surprises that like to jump up and cause tension. 

I learn more and more, as we navigate this, about the business of assumptions.  I have a whole set of assumptions about what a wedding looks like.  So does Gary.  I don’t know about Gary, but I know for ME I mostly don’t realize I am making assumptions, until right at that point when mine and his bump into each other in a “hey, we don’t match” kind of way. 

Happily, we are both pretty peaceful people, and so we are navigating that fairly nicely, though a time or two I have definitely made faces and perhaps said things to the air while I was adjusting myself to something unexpected. 

Assumptions are funny things in how stealthy they are.  They don’t READ as assumptions to us.  They tend to read as “reality.”  You know, “that’s just the way it is.”  Something along those lines. 

I’m assuming we are both in for fun, in the next months and years, as we discover whole sets of assumptions we have about marriage, about everyday life, about the way the world works.   I reckon (young-hearted but) middle-aged folks like us have rather large sets of assumptions, perhaps.  The nice thing about encountering this NOW is it helps me to go into that with awareness, intention, and purpose.  It gives me a framework for navigation. 

Or, put more simply, it can save me from acting like an ass.

I’m in favor of that.

You?

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