revelation

Posted: February 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

I told You that I loved You, but I did not love Your people.  It was logical.  After all, You’re so perfect, so everything, so always-there.  And they are such screw-ups, so frustrating, so quick to abandon.  It was only logic. 

I didn’t notice the sadness in Your patient smile.  I assumed You agreed with me – those people sucked!  They didn’t know You like I did.  They didn’t love You like I did.  They didn’t follow Your ways like I did. 

I told You that I loved You, but I did not love Your people.  In Your kindness, you did not hold up a mirror before me.  Did not show me the myriad of ways You would soon upend my understanding of who You are, of who I am in You.  Did not arch an eyebrow and point to the ways I withheld my love from You, or gave it away to lesser things.  Did not dunk me to choke in the sea of my own self-righteous words. 

I told You that I loved You, but I did not love Your people.  You did not step back and point all around me, to the sea of others shouting out this same chorus in their own bitter tones.  Did not show me how very alike we all are, bawling out our right to be considered different, to be considered other, to be considered special.  Did not point out how we shove our elbows in one another’s ribs and eyes as we fight for the spotlight.  Did not remind how easily we plant a boot on the neck of another without remorse.

I told You that I loved You, but I did not love Your people.  You gave me children, and let me feel what burns inside of me, if anyone dare to insinuate that they are anything less than beautiful, lovable, to be treasured. 

I saw it.  I felt it.  I experienced it.  Still, I told You that I did not love Your people, imagining that Your parenthood experience was somehow different than mine.  Surely you didn’t cherish those losers!  They weren’t like me.  Not like my children! 

I told You that I loved You, but I did not love Your people. 

In Your great mercy, You broke my heart, opening up a treasure You had hidden, there inside. 

I told You that I love You, and that I love Your people.

Selah.

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