plodding on, frozen cold, camel breath, no end in sight

Posted: February 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

Each morning was the same…I would wake up wondering:  is the fast over today?  I had known since that infamous day 4, when He had required me to pitch my cereal, not to wake up making any assumptions.  So I would wake up listening, praying…and each morning would feel/hear again, clear and certain in my spirit:  No.

Then, this conversation as I prayed.

You take your kids on vacation, right?  And they sit in the back seat asking, “Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?”  Right?

Uhhh.  Yeahhh.

Would you EVER come to the end of the trip and NOT let them know?  Would you get out of the car and just leave them there to figure out that you were *there*?

Uhhh.  Noooo.

And do your kids ever miss neat things they might see along the journey, because they are too busy asking, “Are we there yet?”

Actually…yes.  (You FEEL it when you’re getting smacked down, eh?  But He does it so gently…)

How about you stop asking Me if we are there yet?  What if you just chose to enjoy the view along the way?

*Sigh*   Yeah.  That makes sense.  Agreed.

The peace that followed was enough confirmation.  This was the way to go.

From there forward, I woke up every morning assuming:  the fast is still on, unless God interrupts me to say otherwise. 

Life worked around it just fine.  I was still able to work (I was doing licensed daycare in my home at the time.)  Still able to tend my garden.  Not overly fatigued. 

It wasn’t without its price.  One of the gifts one is SUPPOSED to get during a fast is:  you use both the time you would have spent buying, prepping, consuming, and cleaning up after meals…you use it instead in prayer.  But that really didn’t work in my world, because I had 2 kids of my own at home and a full-capacity daycare.  This meant preparing:  breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack for a whole lot of people.  I didn’t gain ANY prayer time, really, by this fast.  And I didn’t get any relief from the constant stimulation of food all around me as I cooked for others.

The kids do NOT remember this fast fondly.  Ask Julia or Caleb about it now and they will STILL grimace in horror.  “Oh, yeah…Mom’s big fast!  Uggghh.”  The thing was, by the time I had fed everybody all day while not partaking, I was at my limit by the time the last daycare kid left my house.  So during the day, I’d cook some things ahead and put them in the fridge.  When the daycare kids were all gone, I’d tell my kids to find something in the fridge, warm it up for themselves, and for God’s sake DON’T EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME.   Then I’d head for points far away from the kitchen.  They really fended for themselves, every night.  And put up with a mom who was pretty cranky and poured out by the end of each day. 

A detail I didn’t anticipate:  being soooo COLD.  Apparently, processing food produces very large amounts of body warmth.  I was only sipping water and juice, and I was I’m never gonna be warm again cold, most of the time. 

Another detail I had read about in our study, but hadn’t fully appreciated the scope of, before I experienced it:  camel breath. When you fast long-term, I had learned, your body goes through a detox process.  That brings the yucky up out of you and coats your tongue, infusing your breath.  It’s bad enough, worrying that your breath might offend SOMEONE ELSE, but it really sucks when it smells so bad you need to get away from YOURSELF.  You know?

Nonetheless, it was worth it.  He was teaching me, opening my understanding, and growing me daily in understanding how very much He can carry me, if I will let Him. 

The days plodded on and on.  25 came and went.  30 came and went. 

How long was this thing going to be? 

  1. Cala says:

    I think we’re ALL dieing to know!

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