cross-eyed promise keeping

Posted: January 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

Maybe it’s cheating, to keep my promise to write every day by writing about how hard it is to write every day.  I don’t know.  But it’s an hour past my latest usual bedtime and three hours past my often bedtime and if there are any other words in me, I cannot find them. 

I’m in an interesting part of the journey.  As part of the 40 day prayer project I am doing, I wrote down my own “needs list” of requests to God, and pretty much put it away.  For these 40 days I am focusing on my OTHER list that I made that same day, which is a “needs of others” list.  At the end of the 40 days, I’ll get out the list about my stuff and see how He’s been working, while I’ve been intentionally not focusing there.  I know that last year I was amazed to see how much He had done on that list at the end of the 40 days, and this year I’ve been similarly amazed at how much more He worked on that same list in the year since I started last. 

Anyway.  Even though I’m not getting the “my needs” list out every day to poke at it, I do recall that one of the things I asked God to do was to order my schedule.  I was tired and overwhelmed at trying to keep up, and just needed to know what needed to go.  What was important in HIS eyes.  What needed to be a priority.

I pretty much immediately got a leading, early on, to step off of a Board on which I had been serving, as well as the committee associated with that Board.  Two meetings a month.  Though i love the cause, in truth, every meeting felt like “one more thing to do” and I always went reluctantly, tiredly, not really able or willing or whatever to offer my whole self to the cause.  So, despite the fact that I am passionate about that Board and committee (advocating for immigrants and refugees)…I was relieved to let it go.  Two more nights a month freed up.  *Whew.*

But I feel like God is chuckling, because He has more than filled that time.  New things, ADDITIONAL things, have been added to my regular schedule as I’ve sought Him and prayed. Old things I was already doing have been strengthened to a “regularly” instead of “once in awhile” status.   I’m not to the end of the 40 days yet, but I am for sure busier and more committed to more things right now than I was when I started out the 40 days. 

Including the promise to write every day.  I really do feel like I am following His lead, as I have made and kept that promise.  Like He’s doing a new thing in me.  Like He’s glad that I’m finally willing to step up.

I hope to be doing it *better* by the end of the year.  With better planning.  More proofing.  Not leaving it for the absolute last thing to do before I sleep.  I’ve nodded off between words A LOT this week.  I’d like to do better than that.

But for now, this is the beginning of discipline.  I’m more likely to end up finally writing that book that’s somewhere in me if I start with consistency and discipline, even doing it badly, just so I’m doing it and not saving it up for one big 4-hour writing jag every couple of weeks or once a month.  

As my eyes cross and my head nods and I silently acknowledge to myself that I’m gonna read this in the morning and groan about how badly it needed proofed and rewritten…stilll…I will smile, because again today, 11 days into the year..I kept my promise. Today I wrote.

That counts for something.

 

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