You are/i am not

Posted: January 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

I look for a well-behaved god.  I’d like one who will stay within the constraints i so glibly set for him, never behaving in a way I cannot anticipate or explain.  I want a god who will give me good stuff, reading my wants list and carefully filling it according to specs.  I expect a god I can explain, one I can understand,  one who can be summed up in simple bullet points.  I quietly prefer that he give me preferred status over that one guy who grates on my last nerve.  I need him to understand that when I suffer discomfort – this is an emergency, and must be corrected post haste.  A god whose back I can cover, if I just continue asking for things small enough that I can manage them without his help.  

You aren’t a well-behaved God.  You dance and duck and weave and bob and shout your overblown love.  You listen to me asking as if you wore red velvet and a fake beard, and then you smile and change the game.  You’ve riddled both history and modern day with items that leave me answering about you simply I don’t know…I don’t know…I’m sorry, but I just don’t know.  You love jerks and criminals and rich guys with the same passion, the same no-excuses-required that You give me.  You don’t get all overwrought about my discomfort…in fact, often I’m pretty sure You’re using it as the finest of shaping tools.  You dare me to follow You, to ask You for things that will fail spectacularly and with maximum possible embarrassment if You don’t show up.  You bid me step back and watch, hands-off, while You work.  

Wild One, waste Your love on me some more.  Laugh at my silly notion that I am in charge.  Push me off the ledge of my personal greatness and into the abyss of Your love, Your ways, Your time.  Play Your song across my life. 

  1. I love this. It helped me tonight. Thank you, Karen.

  2. karen says:

    Wow…Heather, I am so glad and so touched to hear that! Your blog is a constant encouragement for me. I love that some bit of that gets returned!

  3. Cindy Maynard says:

    Once again, SPOT ON! Wishing it weren’t so, but you nailed me and the way I live more than I want to.

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