the mystery of what i think i believe

Posted: May 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

What do you believe?

Do you even KNOW what you believe?

Are you sure of that?  I mean, do you believe it?  Or do you just think you believe it?

If your back were against the wall and it was time to prove that belief, what are the odds you’d instinctively live according to it?  What are the odds you’d react in a way that totally contradicted it?

Last night in Bible study I ended up talking about a few places in my life where I’ve discovered that while I THOUGHT I believed one thing, experience and my gut response to situations revealed to me that in truth, I believed something else altogether.  I had an intellectual understanding that had little or no actual attachment to the truth of how I reacted to the proving of that understanding.  If you’d have asked ahead of time, I’d have given the intellectual answer with full confidence, and been irritated with you if you questioned my certainty on it.  And then after the real-life experience, I’d have had to be humble and admit…I guess I didn’t really believe that at all.  Who knew?  Not me!

Today I was reminded of the question again by this blog entitled, “I Believe in Child Labour, Sweatshops and Torture.”   Both the blog and the comments interest and provoke me.  I’ll just say this about it:  I agree with him wholeheartedly and at the same time I agree with some who disagree with him.  But let’s not digress…you can go there if you like.

Where do we find those pockets of unknown disbelief within us?  I’m not sure, maybe the answer to that question is different for each of us, but the places I find them most are marked with fear, anger, resentment, frustration, arrogance, controlling thoughts/words/behaviors.  I find that almost ALL of these negative emotions come boiling up due to disbelieving truths that *I think* I have down cold…stuff like:

I am unconditionally and completely loved by God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I don’t EVER have to earn His love.  EVER.

God is in charge.  I am not.  He is good, knows all, and can be trusted.  End of story.

I don’t know everything.  I don’t have all the answers.  My ways are not necessarily right and those whose ways are different from mine are not necessarily wrong. 

My own peace and well-being are between me and the Lord, and I should place no one or nothing else into that space between us.

Others’ journeys are theirs, and I am off-track when I make their stuff about me.

So in the end, I am grateful for those negatives (fear, anger, resentment, frustration, arrogance, controlling thoughts/words/behaviors), because they are great barometers of where I need to re-examine my faith and pray that old familiar prayer…

I believe, Lord…help my unbelief. 

It’s amazing, what He’ll do in answer to that one.

much love,

k

 


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